nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
Randomize
