I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Randomize
