I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize
