I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
