If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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