Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Randomize
