rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Randomize
