I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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