I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
