I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
