atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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