I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
