Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Randomize
