I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Randomize
