I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
