I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
