can we get nightvision for the apartment?
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
