Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
