this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Randomize
