I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
