just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
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