Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Randomize
