We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
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