she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
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