So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
There's always time for handjobs
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
