i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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