so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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