So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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