end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Randomize
