I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
