I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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