Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Randomize
