threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
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