He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
