yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
