I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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