The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Randomize
