Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
