I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
