I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
