thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
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