i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
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