he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Randomize
