He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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