check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
