i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
