I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
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