God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Randomize
