haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
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