Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize