I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
