I bet he comes in French.
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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