I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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