id be glad to
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
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