Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Randomize
