His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
