I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
