He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
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