Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Can you repeat that, but with context?
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
