I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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