He kissed a someone with a penis
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
