She said her name was "party"
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
