just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Randomize
