So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
