thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
