just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
