carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
