i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Randomize