How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Randomize
