Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
