You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
