just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I smell like Dick and happiness
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
