There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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