I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
