I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
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