Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize