my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
