Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
This toilet bowl is my home.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
