See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Randomize
