So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
