I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
