I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
