Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
