You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize