living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
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